did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
