he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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