For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
