whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
