I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
