so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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