And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
