Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
