is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
