I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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