i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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