she smelled like a LAN party
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
