I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
