dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
