I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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