But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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