Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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