Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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