Im at strip club and am horny
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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