when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
