she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
