just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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