upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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