god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
