fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
