He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
