I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
