There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
