I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
