You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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