Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
