I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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