Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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