Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
