I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
