i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
