the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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