What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
