How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
