People in love make me want to vomit
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
