John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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