I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
