i permit you to call me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You're like the curious george of whores
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
