Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
