your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
