Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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