I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
