I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
