apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
