my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
