You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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